- From the girls' secretary at school (who I don't know personally):
"Do you adopt because you're infertile?"
"Umm... Uhh... " I respond not knowing how to react.
"Well, it's just that everyone I know who adopts, then has biological kids. It's funny how that happens." she responds.
"Uh, yeah...." I mutter.
- Nurse at the health department, "You better get a hepatitis B shot yourself. All those kids have hepB"
"No thank you." I respond, "He doesn't have hepB. He's been screened."
"Still," she continues, "you better get the vaccine"
"No thank you. I have three children from China and have not had a issue."
She glares at me.
I smile nicely.
- A woman at a buffet tonight who was waiting for a table:
"Do those kids belong together?" she asks.
"Well, they are my children." I respond.
"Yeah, but are they brother and sisters?" she probes.
"Yes, of course they are brother and sisters." I state.
"No, I mean are they REAL brother and sisters?" she continues.
"Of course." I say, knowing what she is really thinking.
"Do they have the same parents?" exhausted with my answers, "I'm just curious."
"Are you asking if they are biologically related?"
"Yes!"
"Nope."
"That's so great that you adopt. Most people won't do it."
I smile blankly.
From other people I have been asked twice this week how much it costs to adopt. To which I respond, "Not as much as they're worth."
Okay, everybody. Hold the weird questions and for heaven's sakes: STOP PRAISING ME FOR ADOPTION.
Dang. All I'm doing is bringing home my kids. Do you walk up to pregnant people and say, "How great of you to be pregnant!" Then rub their belly, ask "Are you nervous about a c-section or possible episiotomy? By the way, when was your child conceived? Are you sure your husband is the father?"
Who does that?
I understand that people are curious, but just don't ask these questions in front of my kids! For heavens sake, Doug and I work so hard to make sure our kids know that we are a family- forever and ever and ever.
My favorite was a woman at church a couple of months ago that told me that adopting Seth was "almost like having a real baby." To which I politely responded, "Seth is not Pinocchio."
I have birthed a baby and adopted three. THERE IS NO DIFFERENCE to me. Really. Honestly. No matter how hard I look into my feelings, that is what it is. Our kids are ours on loan from God, anyways. We are all blessed to have this opportunity in life to raise HIS children.
Sorry about the rant... I just want people to see us as we are... two semi-sane parents with four gorgeous kiddos.
9 comments:
You know, its just like the comments that I get all the time when I tell people I still have 5 weeks left of this pregnancy, they say at the top of their lungs, "No, way!" "There is NO WAY you are going to make it, you are HUGE!" People can be so inconsiderate, they don't think of your children standing there listening, or what kind of an effect it has on you. I have the HUGEST pet peeve with people and comments. I'm sorry that you have to endure that. Just remember that the people the know and love you are the ones who know those babies are yours NO MATTER how you got them here. And THAT is what matters! You are my hero! (especially with 4 kids) I don't know what I am going to do with 3 BOYS!
I miss you! I can see your face in these conversations, and I would be happy to dumb head slap any of the offenders. You go, Daley clan! The world is full of people with no filter on their stupidity; we have to learn to endure to the end.....of (hopefully) not our patience.
Jackie
No comment. We attended our agency reunion last year at the zoo last year. I had a double umbrella stroller that Kailee and her friend, Amelia were riding in (they are 2 months apart - our families were in China together). After the sixth or seventh time of people asking me if they were twins, I replied, "yes, they are 2 months apart" and promptly walked away. It is tiring to answer questions of the curious, b/c you know you wouldn't get questioned like this w/your bio kids. I feel your frustation, if only 1/4 of the time(:
I'm not the only one who runs into idiots?
Here here friend! It's amazing how some genuinely curious people seem to have no filter between their brain and mouth. Like my family member who met Will and said "He looks a lot more Chinese than Sam does, I didn't realize that from his picture" What the
@#% does that mean!! Some people I think are just curious about adoption and just don't know how to ask...I REALLY don't mind being and advocate for adoption...but I just wish people would STOP and THINK if they are going to speak in front of our kids!!! or at all for that matter!!! My sympathies friend...rant on!!!
Hear ye hear ye!!!! Please just don't ask all your dumb pointless questions in front the the kids for crying out loud!!!
I love your reply, "Not as much as they are worth!" I haven't heard that one yet, Can't wait to use it!!!!
People tell me all the time you need to have a child. Me being a step parent I hold back my love for the child that would come from my womb. It really irks me because. I have tried the fertility and will not have my own kids. I feel grateful for my step kids and love them as my own. I understand your frustration. People are great but stupid when they do not understand. I know you are a great Mom. Hang in there.
So I'm thinking of getting a new tattoo... it will be across my forehead and read "Dear person who in your ignorance has asked such ridiculous questions to quell your own selfish curiosity, please note that my daughter does know she looks different, we have mirrors in our house. Yes, she knows her "real" parents they are my husband and I, second only to her Father in heaven. And no, there is no point whispering the word ADOPTED after you so kindly and loudly announcing your need to know, earth shattering questions. Now please back up because you are far too close for me to claim it was an accident when I smack the stupid out of you!" Think that would look a little too "busy" maybe I should scale it down? lol I love you Suz!!!!!!
I love you Suzie.. that is all I can say. I just love you. We get the same thing when people find out we are licensed foster parents, and we haven't even had placements yet. People are just weird sometimes.
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